If you read my last entry, you’ll know that I am not unfamiliar with abusive spaces and places within the LA BDSM/Sex positive community. Previously, I would warn people in an indirect way on Fetlife; but as we speak, Fetlife has decided to ban me, once again, for speaking out against the woman who sexually assaulted me. A friend of mine who was also assaulted by the same organizer was told to “bury it”. Bury it so to avoid “drama”. Far too many people have silenced victims in this scene in order to keep these spaces around. If I could trust how our community self policed, I would not feel the need to make a post like this. The truth is, many kinksters are pushed out of communities when they speak out about the abuses they’ve experienced within them. I’ve been greatly harmed at “newbies” events or events that have listed themselves as inclusive, but are not. When people like me are silenced, we struggle to communicate to new people that certain spaces and places are not safe and the cycle continues.

The more I sit with this, the more upset I’ve become that we cannot inform each other and those who’ve harmed others are allowed to get away with their abuses time and time again. Upon reflection, I realized that I have the ability to use my website to warn new players and old of spaces and places to avoid. These are generally conversations I’d have in person, not online, but to quell my desire to share this information on websites that have disallowed it, I figured I’d make a master list here, for people to share to keep each other informed.

The spaces and places mentioned are events or spaces with a fairly well documented pattern of bad behavior. Some places are worse than others. For that reason, I’ve decided to sort these spaces and places into two categories. Red light spaces have privileged and empowered abusive and predatory people who have repeatedly harmed others. Yellow Light spaces have questionable histories, with management that have made me personally disinterested in them; but they are not spaces I’d say are completely bad with no redeeming qualities. Keep in mind, I tend to have a risk-aware approach to most things and I don’t mind spaces that are rough around the edges. However, I want folks to be informed so that they can walk into the space with an understanding of what they’re walking into.

I will always believe that anyone has the capacity to change and perhaps these spaces listed will not always be bad forever. But as of now, I would greatly caution against them. Feel free to take what I’m saying as a warning, not gospel.

I will continue to edit this list as things pop up. This is my list as of June 13th 2024.

Red Light

Dark Magic Society

As detailed in my previous post, Dark Magic Society is organized by a woman whose scene name is Robin LaRoux. She personally sexually assaulted me years ago at the home of a mutual friend. That’s honestly enough for me to tell you this wouldn’t be the best place to go, but my primary concern is their false presentation as an inclusive group.

DMS has a very long history in the scene and you may initially be drawn to them because Robin makes a point of interviewing every member and making sure they’re a right fit for the group. However, the core of the group is a very heterosexist swinging structure. Their website boasts an “even ratio of men and women, and transgenders”. This is to ensure their heterosexual male customers that the event is not a “sausage fest”. There will always be more men than women interested in these spaces so it’s part of the economics of the space to ensure to men that there are enough women accessible to them. DMS has a history of gendered pricing, where women get in for free and men pay top dollar to gain access to those women. This policy has changed, as their venues have changed and the owners have disagreed with gendered pricing as a concept. Events with gendered pricing are not inclusive, even if they welcome transgender people.

A nonbinary DMAB friend of mine reached shared with me that when they asked Robin how much they’d have to pay, she responded “you’re a man unless you’re fully a woman. Full price”. Obviously suggesting that they’d have to undergo an incredibly expensive surgery in order to enter the space for free, and thus be a product for her cis hetero male customers to consume. Within these spaces there is a subtext of “If you’re a person with a penis who wants a person with a vagina, you must pay”. You can only imagine what environment that creates for women.

A former partner of Robin’s reached out to me and described the organizer becoming incredibly cold towards her after she no longer wanted to sexually satisfy, as she phrased it, “her paying customers”. As someone who experienced something quite similar in my early days in the scene, I unfortunately identify with this a lot.

Additionally, a few years ago, DMS hosted a villains themed party where a couple showed up in Nazi regalia. Robin, along with her co-organizer, Todd, would defend the couple, as they were long-time members, known by many in the group. They’d then falsely accuse the owner of the dungeon of physically attacking the couple after publicly defending the couple’s right to show up in Nazi regalia at the venue owned by the son of holocaust survivors. To my understanding, this was a Jewish couple and whether you think race play is excusable or not, it was explicitly against the rules of the dungeon and for that, their relationship with that dungeon ended. DMS has overstayed their welcome in every public venue they’ve had since I’ve lived in the city.

DMS presents itself as an inclusive event geared towards newbies. In reality, they are a group run by a very drunk woman who predominately targets women of color. All of the victims who’ve reached out to me have been women of color, mostly Black, some Asian. Robin has sexually assaulted and otherwise mistreated several people within the scene. I would not suggest this event to anyone. This may sound extreme but I also get the impression that some of the people within this group have a very cult-like mentality around protecting the group. It is this cult’s mere obsession with silencing those standing up against abuses within the space or at the hands of this organizer that have inspired this post. Had they not been so passionate about silencing me, I’d probably not be writing it.

SoCal Kink Hikers

If you’re a person who enjoys hiking and is also kinky, you’ve probably seen some posts advertising for a group called SoCal Kinky Hikers. The group is organized by a photographer who goes by Rexitron. Rexitron also has a bit of a cult-like following and he will use women to reach out to other submissive women at his behest. I’ve received many direct invites to these events and I know that it’s because I am an s type and a woman.

SoCal Kink Hikers is a good example of an event that is predominately organized for the organizer to find partners. What’s been described to me many times is a process of slowly but surely alienating male members of the event to funnel the women in the space into a smaller private parties. Rexitron hosts “littles” and Shibari parties where women are required to be nude. At these parties, he is typically the only man. This is not made clear in the invitation.

Like DMS, they tend to approach newbies in the scene who may not immediately think this is strange. There are several accusations of consent violations against the organizer; who by the way, is also a Trump supporter. I would heavily advise against this group. You may instead prefer SoCal Hiking, run by an ex of his.

Serenity Studios

Madame Serpent runs Serenity Studios and she is also my very first experience with a manipulative “Dom”. You can read about my full experience with her in my last post, but ultimately, she threatened to blackball me from the scene because I spoke about her (without naming her) slut shaming me for sharing BDSM with more than one dominant at the very beginning of my kink journey. She has told me that newbies are her kink and when I spoke out against her a few years ago, many former newbies reached out to me to share their experiences. They range from abusive to violative and since I’ve known Pent, she’s been oriented towards centering herself and being in control. These repeated experiences tell me that she has not changed since the almost decade since we had our experience.

There are a lot of reasons why I think she should not be running a dungeon, but her manipulation and desire to silence me for speaking about mistreatment are the biggest reasons. She still works overtime to silence those speaking out against them about the harm they’ve caused. It’s also fairly clear that she has a history of abusing and cheating on her partners, then blaming it on mental health. She often weaponizes her own mental health when she is being criticized by those she’s harmed. As I write this, she is currently suicide baiting on her platforms because of my previous post.

Her dungeon is being run illegally, is not in her name, but her partners (for legal reasons) and is listed as a “multimedia company”. Dungeon Monitors are directed to tell cops they’re having a “wrap party” if they show up. I believe people change, I think the only thing that’s changed about her is her gender. Like Rexitron, she is also a Trump supporter (though this may have since changed. She has marched at many pro-Trump rallies).

As of now, she’s stepped down at the dungeon, but she’s done this before and will likely return.

Yellow Light

Threshold

Threshold is the very first dungeon I ever had a full BDSM scene at. I have enjoyed many of the events within the space and at their core, I believe the people within Threshold mean well and try their best. Unfortunately, sometimes that isn’t enough and there are some things I would keep in mind before visiting this dungeon.

Of the spaces in LA, Threshold has, I’d say, the most volunteers. It’s entirely volunteer run and they do try their best to do things democratically. However, they have a very shoddy understanding of “restorative justice” and how it’s utilized. More often than not, people simply want dangerous people to no longer have access to the dungeon, but for legal reasons, they never quite remove people who’ve harmed others from the dungeon. Restorative Justice is about addressing both the needs of the victim and the needs of the accused. It requires an immense community effort and neutrality that Threshold doesn’t have. To properly utilize Restorative Justice, they would need resources they simply do not have. There is a “board” with a process that feels all very serious and official, but in truth, does not function in the capacity our community imagines. I have removed people for sexual assault and non consensual acts of violence who have found positions of power at Threshold.

I can’t say that Threshold is a bad place to go or entirely unsafe. Frankly, I’d judge Threshold based on the particular party happening and the particular crew organizing it. Different parties have different vibes and different crews. Of the current spaces in LA, Threshold is the largest with the most space to play. It’s a labor of love and I think that’s worth considering. In a way, I am a bit forgiving of the space because I recognize that.

Sometimes the poor decisions made by the board are a matter of certain people not having the information they need to make the right decisions. However, I would say Threshold has been a mess since I’ve lived in the city. But frankly, every dungeon in LA has something wrong with it or has some history of bad decisions and unsafe players. The issue with Threshold is, frankly, it’s a bit up it’s own ass and will perform a lot of ceremony to essentially continue empowering people who aren’t very safe.

As of now, many people are striking against Threshold for their decision to temporarily reinstate a person accused of consent violations to their board. That person has since been removed, but for some that stain remains. Proceeded with caution. Familiarize yourself with the organizers of the events and their attendees before attending. Go with friends.

Club Labyrinth

I started going to Club Labyrinth right around the time it opened. The venue was a work in progress and I appreciated that, unlike most swingers spaces in Los Angeles, it was inclusive. Memberships were still gender based, but they always allow anyone who’d like to come to come. In that way, it sets itself apart from other spaces.

When I first started going, I recognized the door guy as a long-time DM at Sanctuary Studios; another dungeon in Los Angeles. Someone who I certainly see as an ethical, thoughtful person who stands for what is right. As I became a regular, I became close to the bartender, who now runs her own fetish performance nights in the city. Both of them, along with other staff stopped working at Club Labyrinth once they found the owner installing hidden cameras around the premises. Club Labyrinth’s claim is these cameras were for security, but I was told the cameras were actually pointed at play areas and were deliberately hidden. To my understanding, the owner monitors the club remotely and controls every there, down to the music that plays hour by hour.

Because of the conflicting stories, I’m not sure if I can say that Club Labyrinth is necessarily unsafe. I understand the need for cameras for security but it’s pretty atypical for cameras to be pointed at play areas. When I used to go, I would run into people who I know would very much not appreciate being recorded. Because I can’t say for sure, I’d proceed with caution. I’m more inclined to believe these cameras are unethically placed, as that is why the people I personally know who have worked there decided to leave. I trust their judgement.

Drachaus

Drachaus is an underground club that hosts a lot of very interesting events. I’ve been to several great events there over the years and they vary from immersive theater, kink performances, goth bands and swingers events. Drachaus is also one of the former venues for Dark Magic Society. The owner Fhedesh is an eccentric music producer and I can tell he has real genuine passion for creating a space for the strange and creative in Los Angeles. I do admire that. I’ve spent many late nights at Drachaus and at a certain point, I would say it was one of my favorite spaces. Rough around the edges, but I like it like that. I love the vibe of people putting something together intentionally and using what they have.

That all being said, a few years ago the venue decided to hire a DJ who sexually assaulted a woman within the Goth scene. Being part of several groups that mobilize against predatory people within the scene, I heard directly from the victim about what happened to her and that is when I, along with others in the community, decided to mobilize and stand against this DJ. Our desire was to inform Fedesh internally about the DJ so that he could make the right decision and not give this person space to potentially abuse how he had in the past. Mind you, in this particular case, it was not a rumor or a false accusation. While its true that false accusations happen and sometimes DJs will sling them at each other so that they can get more gigs; in this case the DJ paid the medical fees of the victim and had publicly acknowledged what he’d done. I believe at the time, there were also other conversations of safety at Drachaus and Fedesh decided to share this post, written by a friend of his while we were all rallying for her.

Fhedesh did not write this post, but he did repost it and write the last sentence himself.

When I look at this entire situation, I can understand that at the time Fhedesh felt frustrated and he was trying to collect information so that he could make a decision based on facts and not rumors. This post came from a place of frustration and I know that’s why it was made. Ultimately, the victim sat down with him and spoke directly to him and the correct decision was ultimately made. The DJ was fired, but many have not forgotten this post and its very clear advertisement that women have no reason to expect safety within the venue. I’m a risk aware person so I understand the heart of what this post is saying, but it was indeed the wrong thing to say while people are speaking out about the fear of sexual assault by a man he’s hired. Posting this was poor judgement.

Like I said, I’ve been many times and I know that the space does not have the proper safety precautions a dungeon would, but it still has kink furniture and is a sex-possible space. This after hours spot is like many: full of substances and potentially questionable people. I don’t necessarily think that’s all bad. I can’t say that I ever personally felt unsafe, but I’m sure trauma has shifted my barometer when it comes to that. However, there’s a difference between going into a space like that with a risk aware perspective and being told it’s irrational to expect safety.

So all in all, I would say definitely walk into this space with an awareness of these things. I’d come with friends. Like Threshold, there are different events that happen within this space and some are better than others.

In conclusion

These are just the spaces and places I’m personally aware of. I think it’s important to note that I function predominantly within pansexual (read: heterosexual) spaces and so I’m sure there’s an entire other community of queer events that aren’t really on my radar. I don’t know everything, just a lot.

If you have a story to share, please share it in the comments. Even if it’s a space outside of LA.

Like I said, I will be using this as a master post that I will update as time goes on. We have to keep each other safe.